Let’s first start with -What is the marriage?
Marriage is the socially, religiously and legally accepted relationship between a man and a woman having long term love, commitment and care for each other.
Sounds bookish? Yes this is how we read about the marriage in any articulate literary stuff.
Simply put marriage is the sweet and cozy symbiosis between men and women.
Veda’s have described marriage as a union of two bodies, two minds, two hearts and two souls that amicably resolve to live with each other.
It was the sage Shwtketu who pioneered and founded the institution of marriage- one man marrying one woman only. Before that, men and women would cohabitate at their will- in today’s parlance what is called a ‘live-in' relationship.
Dynamics of the Marriage
For a successful marriage there should be a proper equilibrium between the couple and the external world. When all these surrounding entities run smoothly with each other, marriage becomes a successful one. Doesn’t matter what type of marriage it be this dynamics applies.
Psychology behind the Marriage
Why people get married? Just to raise the family !!- No. No.., even animals do that.
The sole purpose of the marriage is to get a soul-mate –this means relishing the company of someone one adores, getting a shoulder to cry on when one is in despair, getting relieved by oozing the emotions out which one can’t share with rest of the world, having someone consoling when one feels left out……. and the list is endless and perspective dependent.
One wise man had said- ‘always marry your girlfriend, if you couldn’t then make your spouse your girlfriend’.
Sounds awesome but is it pragmatic?
On the contrary, in the world-famous novel ‘Pride and Prejudice’ Jane Austin quotes- “Happiness in Marriage Is Entirely a Matter of Chance”.
Around 1 crore marriages takes place every year in India but how many of these 2 crore people get the soul mates? Statistics shows presently there are 13 divorces per 1000 marriages in India due to marital discard.As far as psychology is concerned, human subconscious mind is slow but a terrific learner and it is our conscious mind that imparts emotions to it. Things work well when positive and loving emotions are fed to it but when anger and hatred get imparted relationship is jeopardized to the extent of the separation.
Crux of the matter is- If the selection of the life partner is erratic and the same is not counterbalanced by the understanding and adjustment then doom might happen.
Types of Marriages
According to Manusmruti – the ancient Hindu religious tome, There are 8 types of marriages and almost all these marriages can be seen in our Bollywood movies-good ones rendered by heroes while the rest are championed by villains.
In our present modern society there are only two types of marriages- Love Marriage and the Arranged Marriage.
In Arranged marriage parents search the spouse for their child and initiate the pre-marriage talks. Arranged marriage is like opening a surprise gift with lots of hopes, anticipations and little fear of the unknown.
The probability of nagging and reprimanding from in-laws is much lower than in love marriages after all it was in-laws’ choice. Marriages blossom in the absence of interruptions.
2. This decision is done by the people who have seen more life than the bride and groom and it is often well-judged decision devoid of emotions and infatuations.
3. As far as India is concerned arranged marriage is much more accepted and respected in the society than its love counterpart.
4. Arranged marriage is the decision of the parents and therefore more futuristic and secured.
5. For those who believe in the astrology, a majority of the arranged marriages abide by it.
6. Definitely a ‘dream come true’ experience for adventure loving people.
7. Modern arranged marriages are liberal enough and they provide enough interaction between the bride and groom before the marriage.
8. In case of any financial or social trouble families from both sides come to rescue willingly.
9. traditions and rituals are well taken care of
1. It is often difficult to befriend and live with a stranger who suddenly enters in one's life. Higher chances of incompatibility and attitude conflicts are present.
2. Higher chances of the ‘ego clashing’ than the love counterpart.
3. In the name of dowry and ‘decent marriage’, parents get highly indebted
4. In one or two meetings it is often impossible to judge another person whom with one has to spend the whole life.
5. Bride’s ( or husband’s in case of matrilocality) personal choices and preferences might be sacrificed in the spouse’s home
In love marriage life partners are chosen by the couple getting married. Love marriage is like receiving a book of which initial chapters are already read or it’s like jumping into the familiar water.
Now-a-days when people choose courses of their choice, wear designer clothes that suits and befits them and elect the leader of their choice then why not they choose a life partner they think they will be happy and comfortable with?
1. Higher chances of getting a soul-mate than in its arranged counterpart
2. Love marriages are generally devoid of the dowry- the social evil which needs to be eradicated
3. For the fans probability, it’s like zeroing-in on a choice with a proven track of record
4. Spouse is one’s companion not only at home but also in society, holidaying and nowadays often at business or workplace and hence a meticulously chosen life partner is like having ‘two souls with a single thought’.
5. It is the love marriage that make inter-caste, Inter-religious or inter-racial marriages happen resulting in more patrons of Vasudhaiva Kutumbakam (The whole world is a family).
1. Love marriages often take place against the consent of the parents and hence are prone to fail due to family and social intervention and non-acceptance
2. Innocent person may be trapped into a love-marriage by his partner with the vested interests
3. Psychological factor ‘bored of the partner after marriage' often leads into the separation
4. Love marriages often overlook the finances- an important entity in the dynamics of the marriage
Neither love marriage nor arranged marriage is perfect and both have their advantages and disadvantages.
Doesn’t matter what type of a marriage is, the real forte for a couple is turning it into a ‘Love cum arranged marriage’ where parents’ and the couple’s choice concur and it is the best of the both worlds.
This does not mean that parents should always concur with the marrying couple’s choice but even in case of an arranged marriage both partners should try to pepper their relationship with faithful love and understanding to make it an ideal and blissful ‘love cum arranged’ marriage.
If any of the entities in the ‘Dynamics of the Marriage’ is ailing then both partners should try their tooth and nail to fix that problem instead of using their teeth and nails to hurt each other.
In every relationship problems arise but real spirit is continuously striving to get over those problems instead of blaming and keeping quarreling.
In case of beyond-solving problems in a marriage both partners should develop endurance to overlook the problem and look at the life remembering age old adages- ‘what can’t be cured must be endured’ and ‘this too will be over’.
As per the Indian scriptures, marriage is a sweet relationship which gives an individual the best companion for life and it’s the duty of every married couple to honor its sanctity.
PS: This post was written for a contest.